Create community with those who are in harmony with your heart

I tend to be attracted to adventurous spirits and creative souls who are deep thinkers, paradigm shifters, and wholehearted lovers of life. However, in my work, they often gravitate toward me because somewhere along their journey, their true nature became suppressed, stifled, or silenced.

Over the years, I’ve noticed a common thread that weaves throughout their stories and mine. At a time earlier in our lives, we were made to believe that who we are is wrong. Others said things to us that made us believe we were not enough. Those words were harmful, and even worse, they were untrue. However, the problem wasn’t that people said those things, the problem was that we believed them.

The problem wasn’t that people said those things, the problem was that we believed them.

Since I began this business 14 years ago, my work has been an exhilarating and, at times, gut-wrenching journey of living into the truth of who I am. Along the way, there have been many who have tried to diminish me and my work, in every way conceivable. Some of those people have even been the ones you might assume would be my biggest supporters. These are some direct quotes straight from the mouths of my “loved ones”:

• “You’re delusional.”
• “You don’t have what it takes to be successful.”
• “You don’t deserve to be supported.”
• “Your work is nonsense.”
• “You are helping no one.”

At the time those things were said, it hurt. But the reason it hurt was because a small part of me still believed them. They were speaking to the part of me that was still diminishing myself.

It might seem appalling that a loved one would say those things at all, however, I understand that, in a distorted way, they believed they were protecting me. They watched me struggling through the challenges of building a new-paradigm business, and because of their inability to tolerate their own discomfort, they tried whatever tactics they could to make it go away. But their approach wasn’t helpful, and it most certainly was not an act of love.

To create anything new of any sort is difficult and any person who undertakes such an endeavour accepts this from the outset. The thrill of the adventure comes with some serious bumps and bruises along the way. I think my detractors believed if they could make me feel small enough, I would make a decision to back away from this work, and that would also minimize the pain. Much to their frustration, my response to any kind of belittling is to show up in the world in an even bigger way. It makes me love myself more, not less.

Crossing the threshold into love for self

Recently, I endured another mudslinging from someone close to me, but this time my experience was quite different. I didn’t believe them. Not for a second. I was still shocked they would say such things, but their remarks were lies and I knew it (and somewhere within themselves, they did, too). I did what any self-loving human would do. I said, “This is not okay,” and I walked away. I no longer have tolerance for any kind of diminishment from others. This is because I no longer have tolerance for any kind of diminishment from myself. I have crossed a threshold into unapologetic love for myself.

I no longer have tolerance for diminishment from others because I no longer have tolerance for diminishment from myself.

There is a groundswell toward a new era of love. It’s more mature than the “free love” movement of the 60s. It’s not about exchanging love with another, it’s the uncompromising act of loving oneself. I know I am not the only one who is feeling this. I see it reflected in those around me. Lately, my clients have been standing taller, speaking louder, and showing up in their work with more conviction. They are purging the lies they used to believe about themselves and finally seeing their true selves – and they are loving what they see.

Most people I work with feel called to be in service to others in some form or another. They long to give the very love they were denied themselves. However, to give our love freely and without agenda, we must first gift it to ourselves. That might seem obvious, but many of us do not even deem ourselves worthy of receiving our own love. Some small part of us is still believing those old, untrue stories.

To love the self is to:

• Recognize that any form of diminishment is a lie
• End our own energetic addiction to the cycles of drama and trauma
• Reintegrate the disowned and disassociated parts of ourselves
• Realize our true nature as both human and soul/divine/god
• Embrace the entirety of our being without apology
• Take bold actions that are in the highest service to our own hearts

To embody all of the above does not come at a “snap-of-the-fingers”. It requires a dedicated practice over time. This is one of the many benefits of creating your inspired work, it will support you into living into the truth of who you are. Your work becomes a day-by-day act of self-love and love toward yourself.

Self-love and loving oneself can be perceived as the same, however, there is a distinction between the two. They are interrelated, but serve different functions. Self-love is to recognize and accept all of who we are, which opens us into a receptive state of being. Whereas, to love ourselves is more active. It is the moment-to-moment choices we make and actions we take that serve our best interests. When we practice self-love, we are able to make decisions from a place of heart to ensure our loving actions are in the highest service to all.

In practice, a way to guide ourselves in heart-based decision-making is by asking:

From my heart, what decision in this moment is an act of love toward myself?

This might sound self-centred, and it is. I am a strong encourager of being centred in your own being, especially when creating your work. This is your inspired work. It is also my belief that this is your highest service to others. When we are creating from a soul level, the broader aspect of ourselves is connected to all that is and already knows what’s needed in the world. Our job as the human is to be the conduit for that which wants to come forth and serve.

When we have the courage to love ourselves openly, we will attract those who embody a similar ethos. In regard to our work, these blessed humans become our chosen community.

Building like-hearted community around your work

We may not always have a choice as to who our “loved ones” are, but we certainly have a choice as to who we love. As stated already, it begins with ourselves. Once we stand centred in love for ourselves, we emanate that out into the world. That energy will attract others into our community and there we can love ourselves individually, together.

When helping others create community around their work, the way I approach it is contrary to convention. Typically, we are told to go out into the world and find a need, and then create some kind of product or service to fill the gap. Then you are supposed to tell people how much they are lacking it, and sell it to them. And indeed, this approach can be “successful”. Many people make millions of dollars doing just this, but it is my contention that it is not an act of love. It might build “followers”, but not genuine community. That must be created from within.

To love is to create work as an expression of our soul, it is the birthing and nurturing of an idea that allows us to live into our truth. Then, once we’ve established what that offering is, we invite people who would benefit to join us on the journey.

Create work that allows you to live into your truth and then invite people to join you on the journey.

Once we comprehend the significance of what has been birthed, then we can set about connecting with those who will benefit, otherwise known as “marketing”. Marketing, when employed in its highest form of service, is an act of communicating with others in a way that deepens the relationship and adds value to their lives. This can be realized through:

• Embodying your values
• Giving your gifts with generosity
• Sharing authentic life stories
• Witnessing the humanity in others
• Honouring their heart’s desires
• Expressing the joy in life
• Shining light on possibility

When you show up as love in your communications, you will find like-hearted souls gravitating towards you and your work. Your ongoing work is to continue to nurture those relationships through care. This is not an obligation, it is the joy of work. Imagine waking every day to the excitement of getting to spend time with the people who help you shine the light of love within yourself. As your love for yourself grows, so will the community around you.

Engage with heart

When I work with people in group, one of my core guidelines is always to “engage with heart”. The obvious intention behind this recommendation is that we are compassionate and accepting of each other. But what I truly mean is that we show up with love for ourselves.

Like myself, the people I work with are on the difficult path of creating their own work. This is no easy feat and we can all use as much love as possible. Part of my job is to help banish those old stories of diminishment and use work as a way to be open in our hearts. One of the platforms I use to facilitate this is through my online community where we gather weekly to connect and support each other on our respective creative journeys.

In the Visionary Creators Connective, we choose to:

• See and hear each other beyond the limitations of our conditioning and old stories
• Give space for each other to become BIGGER not smaller
• Allow each other to “get it wrong” so we can all learn for ourselves
• Celebrate the wins and the failures (both are valuable)
• Encourage each other to go for our dreams
• Withstand the discomfort of growth and evolution with grace and humour

When we are up to big things in the world, there is no room for diminishment, from anyone. We must focus our energy on giving and receiving love to the most important person – ourselves. Only then are we free to gift it to each other through our work.